The Courage To Love a Friend

I never really thought my story would be relevant to anything until now. I didn’t think anyone would want to hear my side of things. I’ve been raised in a Christian home my whole life, (and I’m not saying Christians are bad, I’m still one of them,) it’s just that my parents are a bit extreme. My whole family for that matter. They’ve always viewed being gay as one of the most terrible things in the world. It killed me to think that my parents would think that about people. I was raised to love everyone, but hate some? It didn’t make any sense to me.

Four years ago though, I met my best friend who is still there for me today, but I started developing feelings for him. It was weird. I met him at church. I thought having feelings for him was wrong, but, it didn’t feel that way. It felt right to love him, but I never said anything.

A couple of years ago, he moved away to Texas. I’m a sensitive person, but I don’t think I’ve ever cried harder than that moment in my entire life. I was completely devastated. I loved him more than anyone else but couldn’t tell anyone. Even with him going away. After that, I started hating myself for my feelings. I was so torn. There were moments I’d rather not speak about where I got much too close to the edge. Then I thought I had the solution: if I had a girlfriend, and I fell in love with her, then I’d be straight. Right?

Wrong.

I got a girlfriend and we had a lot of fun. But she was never on that same level. She was always just like a friend. But she was my first kiss. She was my first relationship. A year of my life. Gone now. I ended it. I felt terrible and destroyed by the end. We fought, and after a month of not talking and being apart, I apologized. I told her the truth, and she just felt bad for me. That wasn’t my goal of course. My goal was a fear driven selfish one, but it’s behind me.

I never lost those feelings for my friend that I had developed so long ago. I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am now, no matter what anyone else says. I haven’t told him yet though. I see him in a few weeks. He wants me to fly out and see him. I really hope I have enough courage to tell him. Thank you guys for supporting me. It means a lot. Just to know that people care about me.

-JaredRut

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12 comments to The Courage To Love a Friend

  • PlaysWell  says:

    I think it’s important to show you this… and I believe at some point it will be important to show your parents and others that you care about this video. The man in the video is Matthew Vines, and he is about to give the most concise, logical and thoughtful presentation on why scripture not only doesn’t condemn homosexuality but affirms same sex marriage.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezQjNJUSraY

    I have more to say… but I won’t push it. This is enough to take in. Love who you are, friend.

    • tom  says:

      I dont think he claimed that scripture affirms same sex marriage? I think he just said that it doesnt oppose it (it doesnt mention same sex marriage).

  • Brian Durham  says:

    You’re story here touched me, Jared. As a Catholic gay male, raised in a devout household, I feel for you. You just have to remember to search your heart, and try to figure out what God wills for you; do you really think He would give you the gift of your sexuality if he didn’t will for you to embrace it? Walk with Christ’s love, friend.

  • CedarWoods  says:

    I’m sorry to hear that your parents have Un-Christian-like attitudes, but I would suggest buying a copy of this book (you can also purchase it on Itunes):

    http://www.amazon.com/It-Gets-Better-Overcoming-Bullying/dp/0452297613/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371535620&sr=8-1&keywords=it+get%27s+better

    PS: Good for you for having the courage to be an individual.

  • Doctor  says:

    Although I myself am not bi\homosexual I understand where you are coming from, I am raised as a strict catholic with strong conservative overtones, being a brony alone makes my parents ashamed of me, because if something is different it must be evil amirite? That’s what I was always taught, but I never thought That was right either, being a brony helped show me to be an open minded individual (not a brainwashed one) because loving a show geared for little girls opened my mind and SHOWED me how wrong I was about EVERYTHING
    Now I support homosexuals, because I was taught god had a reason for everything, and he loves all his creations….no matter what, (my parents think I may be gay due to my newfound support and the fact I’m a brony but that’s the right-wing brainwashing talking because they don’t understand the concept of different is okay)
    Anyway Do what makes you happy (here is a tip- don’t come out to your parents until you have a place to stay on your own, I don’t know you or your parents but nonetheless if my parents where in this situation, I’d be denounced as a son and kicked out, but perhaps your parents would be different- I dunno but stay on the safe side man, that’s the worst thing they could do- then again they might try to send you to one of those “straight camps” where they “pray the gay away” <- that's worse all they do there I make you hide from yourself, stay strong man
    I hope things work out for you and your friend

  • Jared Dampf  says:

    I was and still am being raised by my strict Methodist grandparents. I’m bi, so… ik what it’s like, man.

  • Silverstar  says:

    I, oh my, I, I am awestruck, JaredRut. From what you say you really care for this person. Few other people have experienced such love. You are really a great person, Jared, and if your friend saw that in you he’s bound to feel the same !! Good luck!!

  • ponymonmastr  says:

    im not bi or gay, but I can see what you had to go through, the one person you loved had moved away. I would cry too. I had a friend that moved away and I cried bout it. but he came back for a visit and it made me happy. I hope that your friend does have the same feelings for you, and I wish you the best of luck

  • Justin Bailey  says:

    Follow your heart and do not lose your love…

    I’ve lost many loves in my life and I know how terrible it feels… Extremely terrible… Combined that with the loneliness feels I had while growing up, I even was suicidal for a bit… But I’m alive and proud now! You should be proud for being yourself as well and I beg you, do not let your heart feel that pain… It’s something I wish to never see happen to others…

  • Jared Dampf  says:

    Another thing…. I find it slightly strange… You and I have extremely similar stories… and we both share the exact same first name… :) Interesting, eh?

  • Midnight Myst  says:

    For once I think out of all of these stories this is one of the most touching. I don’t know you personally but let him know but pray that he shares your feelings. Have a great life and ill be praying for you.

  • ofMindandHeart1 .  says:

    I can promise you, Jared, there is nothing wrong with who you are. No matter what life throws at you, remember that. Sometimes there will be people who don’t understand, but there are even more people who will listen to you and care about you and support you. At bare minimum you have all of us bronies right here. Right guys?
    Never give up.

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