Recurring Wounds

Christina

Hi.

I go by numerous different names– Derpy being one of them– but for this sake, I’ll use the name I want: Christina. Throughout my years alive, I’ve been almost constantly bullied or in other ways down for me being different. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Paranoid-type Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and more.

It’s hard coming around from day to day, and numerous times I just wanted to escape it all. When I found your song, it touched me greatly… it was the only thing I can look at and say that someone understands me. I would like to say that I cried while listening to it to show how much it touched me, but.. due to my problems, I found it extremely difficult to cry, and I just ended up balled up in the corner of my bed, refusing to move for a few hours (or days).

To this day I’m still bullied, and I’ve found myself never going outside on my own free will unless it’s to take out the trash, check the mail, go to school, etc. I do compose music, as well as write poetry/passages and draw, even though I find none of them good. I only have one composition out, and it’s a song that was composed to represent my past. It doesn’t have a single word in it, and is composed purely of piano… but I feel it could get the point across… probably.

Thanks for reading,

Christina


Here is Christina’s song, “Recurring Wounds”. It’s quite good, I think!

i____i_just_can__t_go_on_____by_ininsaki

Also, to Christina directly: I know things can be really tough, and it can seem like they’re tough forever– but things -do- get better. It can take time, and sometimes it takes a thing like finishing school to bring about change, but you’ll get there. I believe in you!

–Forest

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89 comments to Recurring Wounds

  • Hayley Rodgers  says:

    The song is beautiful! You are very talented. I have never gone through what you have, but I would like to think we would be friends in real life. I tend to be happier with the people others think are weird, they’re more fun!

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      Thank you; that means a lot to me ;u;

    • nightshade  says:

      That song was brilliant you have a real gift :)

      I find that music can sometimes say a lot more than words.

      ( If you ever want to get something off your chest I am here to help /) )

  • Christina Erichou  says:

    Thank you… that means a lot to me… it really does… ;u;

    • Scionball  says:

      I Love your song

  • Zachary W  says:

    I suffer from ADHD as well. It isn’t easy for me to finish projects I want to get done because of it. I loose track and start on various projects. I suck at school because of it as well. But what do I care? You learn to deal with it. Truly it will never go away but you can learn to deal with it.

    I don’t only suffer from ADHD I suffer from Asperder’s syndrome a form of Autism and I lot of other things. Seriously there are a lot of things wrong with me. But I don’t see them as disorders. I see them as gifts. Gifts that let me see the world differently in ways no one else can see.

    I know it can be tough sometimes but truth is. I know what you’re going through. If you’d like feel free to send me a message if you want. I always listen.

    One last thing lovely song. I would like to try and use it in one of my SFM animated shorts if I ever get around to doing it.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I know the feeling for the project things; it took me three days of forced concentration to finish “Recurring Wounds” (the song above). I had about 3-5 songs that I was making on my last computer before it fried, and whenever I talk about things, it also sways heavily off topic due to the ADHD.

      You’re right on the gifts, but I personally just can’t consider my Schizophrenia as a gift.. It leads me to do strange things like stare at a wall for numerous days without eating or really even moving.. leading me to be petrified of things just outside my room… it’s just horrible…

      I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you for understanding.

      Go ahead. I’d like to see what you come up with.

      (I answered paragraph by paragraph; it’s how I stay organized.. **** OCD)

    • Jared Dampf  says:

      You, my friend, are almost exactly like me. :)

  • Missing Piece  says:

    Hi. I’m Missing Piece. I love the song and you are really talented! :D I seriously feel your pain. I don’t like getting bullied as well. And I don’t go outside that much.

  • Scionball  says:

    I Love your Song.
    Its inspiring, and you should make more

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      Thank you, Scionball. Most of the songs I make are kind of depressing, but I also did a cover with a friend of mine a few days ago. If you want to hear my failed attempt at singing this cover, then here’s the link: https://soundcloud.com/autumnspast/from-the-ground-up-cover-by

      Caution: my horrid singing will make your ears bleed.

      • Shadow Thrill  says:

        You’re cover was Beautiful and nothing less. Don’t put yourself down.

        • Christina Erichou  says:

          I feel as though I’m not putting myself down, as horrible as that sounds. I actually feel like I’m hurting the rest of the internet just by uploading my voice to it. Same with my art, which is on DeviantArt under the username “Ininsaki”. I can’t help but feel like it’s useless to even try, and I often times even felt like giving up on my art and music, thinking I only got worse.

          • Shadow Thrill  says:

            There is no getting worse, only getting better, and if people on the interent have a problem with it, they’ll just have to put up with it. Remember, “Accept yourself for who you are, because It’s Great to be Different”. Also don’t forget that you have the entire Brony/Pegasister Community who would never judge you. Don’t let others ‘opinions’ get you down, because all they are is just words and nothing more. The only thing that matters is what you think.

          • Shadow Thrill  says:

            I’ve just looked at you’re art on DeviantArt and there all very beautiful. I especially love your Jadeite drawings. They’re absolutely beautiful. You have a real talent for art.

  • Zero Gravity  says:

    I like your song <3 I also know what you're going through in school…it's tough, but you've made it this far <3

  • Icicle Drop  says:

    I dont really know what you’re going through, but I do deal with people with these kind of problems all the time. I work with a student-to-student counseling group and help people who think they have problems. I would like to say that your story and every story I read or hear is special to me because that is what makes them unique. If you or anyone you know is having a bad day I would like to say that even though I don’t really know who you are, you are special to me. If you ever feel bullied again know that there are always people you can talk to the care for YOU.

  • DjFox Pony  says:

    I also suffer from DID, but only three people know about it, one of them used to be my friend but once I told her she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I thought she was a good friend, seeing as how I told her about all the other disorders I have and the fact that I spent my childhood caged and alone, only able to come out when I was used in fights for 10 years. One of the other people became best friends with her, making me an Ex-Best Friend of that one. Then the third person I met on the internet and became the only person who understood me and actually cared about me, but he had abusive parents and was sent to a foster home so I’ll never be able to meet him again. So I stopped telling people about the stuff that was wrong with me to avoid another heartbreak. I may seem like a mentally stable person, but I still have nightmares of those days (my hands shake as I type this).

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I’m sorry to hear that… You’re not alone on the mentally unstable side, either… My **** Schizophrenia has taken several of my friends away, and made me afraid to make more….

      My only friends currently consist of ones that are in my Skype contacts….

      • DjFox Pony  says:

        I can be your friend!!

      • Eclispo the true ruler  says:

        Are you talking to me because usually people just skip over me. If you are talking to me I only have a few friends. 50% are crazy. One is obsessed with Rainbow Dash (who I don’t like) and another treats me nicely. One made me get Facebook. I do have friends but usually they’re younger than me. I can keep going if you want. By the way I only had five or four stitches in my head

        • DjFox Pony  says:

          I would love to become friends with you! I like making friends, but I like making people smile more. What’s your facebook? We can get to know each other through messages.

      • Jared Dampf  says:

        Schizophrenia isn’t something many humans like. I, however, think those with it are the most intriguing people, such as yourself. ^_^ You’re amazing!

  • Eclispo the true ruler  says:

    You and I have something in common. Some days I’m angry and dark and create destruction othe days I am a nice and caring person. I’ve been thrown into a wall and ended up having to go to the hospital. It was not pretty

    • Zachary W  says:

      Now that’s how I created one of my villains I channeled all of my hate into one character who is still in the corner of my mind somewhere. I would friend you if you’d allow it. Let me say I love befriending people and inspiring others if I am not writing my huge fiction that is.

  • arturo gonzalez  says:

    Christina believe this when you read it: i know what your going through cuz it happened to me during middle school, i was being picked on just because i was smaller than anyone else & “looked” weak; i had no friends what so ever, so i had no one to turn to. But as time passed some classmates started to approach me & i began to trust them, making a few friends. Now that I’m out & about in this world, like 10 of those bullies became my friends by my sophomore year in high-school. In other words, don’t let them get you down, find a place or/and someone that can help you stand tall when you need it the most.
    Also don’t say that your work is not good if you don’t publish it; of course not everything is perfect ; but at least those that heard/read your work will know that you existed & that your soul will still live forever.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      That’s the thing, though.
      My “Friends” that I have, almost commonly turn on me after some point in time… They take the time to learn about me, and turn all the negative things against me. I’m a Junior in high school now, and have next to no friends, and everyone at my school makes fun of me for who I am.
      When it comes to my work, I’m either told it’s ****** or no one looks at it at all, so I’m pretty sure that it isn’t exactly good…

      • arturo gonzalez  says:

        Well, then those weren’t your true true friends after all. But if you need one, i could be your friend, if you want??? And I know every project anyone does takes time to “fit our expectations”, even the ones I’m coming up with. Also if there’s a psychiatrist in your school, then go talk to him/her, it helped me during senior year;so maybe it might work with you.

        • Christina Erichou  says:

          We don’t have a psychiatrist at my school. I only have a counselor, and she’s taken up a lot by other students.. My last name starts with E, and most of my school has a last name ranging from A-M…

  • Rüssia Axís  says:

    Beautiful… this composition is amazing, as the writer herself.
    Christina, as you probably have already noticed, you are far from alone. There are many facing the same problems as yourself, and understand what you are going through. Those who judge us for it, are never worth the attention. You are amazing for what you have endured. Growing I was uncertainly diagnosed bipolar (never fully diagnosed. Not the worse thing to be diagnosed but all the same difficult. I have done many things that should have labeled me a dangerous and unstable child. When I was younger I went through things such as chasing my brother with knives, occasional hallucinations, various minor attempts of suicide,anti-sociability, and even running away when I was 7 pronouncing myself an orphan for no particular reason, then returning home in the backseat of a police car. I have also met many others with similar mental-disability cases. But who doesn’t have problems? Ihave learned such things are able to be overcome only to make you stronger and wiser then those who had shunned you. I believe we are special. Some of the most greatest people in history had similar issues. Albert Einstein, a learning disability. Isaac Newton, bipolar. Winston Churchill, depression. There are many. I am now 16 and have conquered many of my disabilities. Just Hang in there Christina. You are never alone. Our mental faults are just another part of us which make us, us. We are as human as everyone else. Imperfections are what make us humans. <3 Christina you are no different then anyone else <3 you are human, you are an individual and you are special. If everyone in the word was exactly alike, the world would be a boring place. This world would not be the same without you or anyone else.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I’ve had a lot of awkward moments as well, including me being tackled and almost killed by police under suspicion of having guns. It’s really not pretty to go through.
      I know I’m not alone, but I always feel so alone… It feels like nobody’s there when I’m in the corner of my room, crying, wishing someone could just be there to hug me and tell me that things would be okay.. Hell, I’d just be happy to cry at all… All of these pains I have seem to never go away… always burning deeper into me… Worst part is that whenever I tell someone, I feel like I’m annoying them, or making them feel like I want a pity party… It’s led me to keep quiet for years about my pain…

  • HyperDude  says:

    Hey its ok i have ADHD as well but do i care no i am who i am and i love who i am and u should love ur self as well.

  • shadowthrill1921  says:

    Hey Christina, my name is Shadow Thrill. Everyone just calls me Shadow. I know what you’re going through. I have Bipolar, Anxiety which caused a small form of paranoia and some shyness, Depression, and PTSD from multiple traumatic events in my life, I was always bullied in school because of my emotional state.
    I was placed in a school for students with disabilities like mine where I was still bullied. No one ever tried to help me or befriend me. I seen myself as an outcast. I never studied.
    One day a substitute teacher noticed me silently crying to myself and asked what was wrong. I was surprised that someone actually cared. I explained my horrible life to her and she understood why I was crying. She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to look past all of the horrible things and look past my disabilities and see myself for who I really am. I took that advice to heart and followed my only dream in life.
    I’m now a Staff Sergeant in the Army National Guard. If it wasn’t for her I never would’ve made it this far in life.
    I guess what I’m saying is what the song ‘Its great to be Different’ is saying. Look past all the horrible things and disabilities and see yourself for who really are.
    Maybe some of your disabilities can help you in life. My Anxiety causes my mind to race through a million different thoughts at a time. The racing thoughts from my Anxiety saved me and my squad in Afghanistan countless times in dangerous situations because I was able to go through all the different outcomes of different actions.
    I guess what I’m saying now is try to find a way to make your disabilities help you in life. You’re OCD can help with organizing. I personally don’t know of any jobs that, that could help with but I’m sure there are some out there.
    Overall what I’m saying is, to be strong. Never give up hope, because there is someone out there who cares. I believe that all of you, not just Christina, can overcome the bullying. So keep strong, push on, and never give up hope.

  • shadowthrill1921  says:

    By the way, you’re song ‘Recurring Wounds’ is absolutley beautiful. You have an amazing talent. Also to be clear I’m a Brony, not a Pegasister. Just putting that out there to clear any confusion in the future.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I assumed you as a brony, and I’m an interesting one for that.
      I, too, have PTSD from events of my life, and I can’t seem to hold any friends for very long. They tend to turn on me when they find out my disorders or sexuality. I don’t know how it’s so hard to understand the life of someone who’s transgender. It sometimes only comes to the point where the only things keeping me alive are my boyfriend and the operation to become a full on female in the future, so my body matches my mind. Though, I have a heavy fear that I will be abandoned or insulted or ignored because of how I am, mentally and physically, since I don’t “meet standards” or something of relation.

      Thank you for your compliment on my song, by the way. I actually composed that out of the pain in my heart that I had last year, which is why it’s in… I think B flat minor, at 6/4 time. Generally saying: Depressed sounding. I would do more compositions if my computer didn’t fry, but when I get my desktop that I want, I should be able to resume what I was doing.

      I’m happy to hear about a military brony that actually stopped and read my story. I always thought that you all would see it, and feel that it would be nothing to focus on, since you’ve all been through so much. It sometimes makes me feel pathetic when I’m in the corner of my bed, wanting to cry, and then remembering how a few people are dying for what they believe in and want to keep safe. I tend to stay in that corner for hours or even days at a time…

      I understand the anxiety thing. I literally get next to every single outcome when I am about to do something, but my schizophrenia and bipolar tend to favor the negative, if not MOST negative outcome, making me too scared to do several different things….

  • Shadow Thrill  says:

    I don’t see why people have such big problems with others sexuality. I’m straight, but I don’t care what other people are because we’re all equal in this world. I was surprised to meet a few Bronies when I joined the Army NG. The whole Anxiety thing might help me at times but in the past year its kept me up for hours on end and I ended up having to go into the (ING) Inactive National Guard, because I was performing poorly in combat and ended up with a chest wound which cut my tour short. I stopped to read the story because I find that I relate to a lot of people with these issues. Having PTSD mixed with Depression is bad enough, but mix that with memories of your best friends head exploding from enemy sniper fire, and you get a f***ed up soldier. I attempted suicide many times, but was saved every time by my fellow Brony Soldiers. They helped me realise that I can do more to help people in the world by living than dying. I’ve found that because of my emotional state, I can help a lot of friends through tough times. I took to calling myself Shadow when I was in school because I felt like a shadow and not an actual entity. I later added Thrill when I joined the Army because it was thrilling seeing new places. I find the world easier to cope with by playing Xbox 360. If you got one I can add you on Xbox Live. I was also diagnosed with ADHD which tends to make me change the subject a lot like in my comments. Like I said before though. Keep Strong, Push on, and never give up Hope.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I know the feeling of being a shadow. I still am in most situations. My nickname, which was self given, was Shadow, because I was often times never noticed or forgotten, leading to my easier escape from others.
      Never exactly saw my best friend’s head get blown off, but Schizophrenia can give me some pretty interesting “memories”, which never happened, but are so real that I think they did.

      • Shadow Thrill  says:

        His death was the result of an order given by our careless Commanding Officer. He’s the cause of my attempted suicides. I also get flashbacks and nightmares often. I was placed on medication to control them but the meds made my nightmares worse so I stopped taking them. I’ve learned to control my flashbacks but I barely sleep anymore because of nightmares. I can’t imagine what you go through with the Schizophrenic memories, but I have a pretty good idea. Shadow stuck with me through to the Army, I wasn’t seen if I didn’t want to be seen. I would hide for days on end in base after my friends death, dealing with the flashbacks, avoiding contact with everyone before I was shipped home because of a chest wound I sustained. Almost recieved an Administrative discharged because of it.

        • Christina Erichou  says:

          I’m sorry to hear about that. I don’t sleep often, and when I do, I wake up in either cold sweat, or in a way to where I want to just go to the corner of my bed, in the corner of my room, and not move. For hours. Or days. Schizophrenic dreams were really a big part in my fear of society as well. It’s let to the worst of my depression as well.

          • Shadow Thrill  says:

            If it wasn’t for My Little Pony or my fellow Bronies in the Army, I wouldn’t be alive today. I’m thankful I was shown MLP: FiM. I now know there’s an entire Community out there who won’t judge us for who we are, and understands our pain. I’ve been reading other Stories on this site, and its amazing how many lives one Song can change. I’m thankful for all the Bronies and Pegasisters out there who are understanding, and care for us all, no matter how different we are. It truly is ‘Great to be Different’. Forest Rain, if you see this comment, I’d like you to know you are doing a wonderful thing, by uniting us all and helping us realize we’re all unique in our own special way. When I heard you’re Song I was in tears, & I’m in tears as I type this. You are an Amazing Pony, and an Inspiration to us all. As always for all my fellow Bronies & Pegasisters, “Keep Strong, Push On, and Never Give Up Hope”
            /)(\
            I would put a pic of my OC but I can’t figure it out on this Smartphone.

            Signed Staff Sergeant Shadow Thrill.

            United States Army
            National Guard.

  • Jimmy Danilczyk  says:

    So Beautiful :)

  • CedarWoods  says:

    It’s a lovely piece.

    And you have much more worth to this world than even you know. If people bully you, it’s simply because they’re jealous of your awesomeness. So you keep being a wonderful different kind of person, and don’t ever give up (or worse, be normal).

    Cause really? What does that word even mean?

  • Brian Slama  says:

    It made me cry it was so good

  • Aaron Kuratani  says:

    Christina, you are an amazing and unique person. Every attribute you have makes you special. Never forget that it is indeed great to be different, it set’s you apart from the bleak and boring regularity of the modern world. You are truly fantastic.

  • Luis Garzon  says:

    Christina, the composition that you made it’s…….amazing! I can listen to it ALL DAY & NIGHT LONG, and i don’t want to push this on you but i would like to listen to other music compositions and read the poetry others refuse to look at, i’ll take that look and help you in anyway i can
    never give up

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      All my compositions are on my SoundCloud, and most of my pictures and a few passages are on dA. The few others are on my computer that fried, but I might be able to get at least some of it back from the hard drive when I get the cord for it.

      • Luis Garzon  says:

        not to be a bother, but i can’t seem to locate your passages in dA…can you tell me the titles of them???

  • ponymonmastr  says:

    this song is just really cool. you have an awesome talent. is there a download thing for it? I kinda want to keep it for my kindle fire.

  • ponymonmastr  says:

    also do u have a twitter?

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      Yes, but I do not use it. :/
      I’m ”Derpy” Ericho on there.

  • Vigil  says:

    I just want to say that I understand your situation. I suffer from quite a few mental illnesses myself, and I know it can be tough, but know that you are an incredible person, no matter what anyone else might say.
    Also, your song is amazing.

  • Quick Fix  says:

    Hey Your story really touched me i alao have ADHD and recently i have been heaeing a voice in my head claiming to be my conscience named and he says hos name is jeromeit took me about 7 hour of me staring at a wall and write this i dont know why i did it but invthe end i could only think of tour post and song and how i can relate.

  • Featherloft Wing  says:

    If it wasn’t for finding out about the brony community and how amazing the show was, I wouldn’t have been able to truly be myself. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder that impairs my social skills. With that, though, comes obsessions. I am obsessed with video game collecting and this show in particular. This doesn’t mean I’m any less of a person. There’s this song that I always listen to whenever I feel down, just to remind me I’m not alone in feeling alone and different. It’s the title of this site. And you know what? Everypony may not have had the same experiences of hardship, but friendships will last throughout your lifetime if we just work together and be ourselves. *hugs tight then brohoofs* /)

    • Quick Fix  says:

      (\

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      *hugs back and brohoofs*

      That means a lot to me, and it does really help to know there are people who truly care. ;u; Thanks so much~

      • Featherloft Wing  says:

        Yes, any time. And if you want to talk on Skype with me, I’m totally open for that. x_iSore_x

        • Jelo  says:

          There’s like 1000 persons using that. Be more specific?

  • Jelo  says:

    The song made me cry too. I feel so bad for what your life is. Try to stay strong. You can focus if you really want to. Use us as a power source for your future.
    And please make more songs I liked what I heard :)

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I actually have issues focusing due to disorders, but I’ll try.

      And I’ll make more compositions when I get my composition software back to make my sheet music.

  • Alex Onken  says:

    i loved the song and i also get bullied because of my name and the fact that my mother left me for some guy,but life will get better i can promise u that!! :’)

    • Zachary W  says:

      Wow. I don’t have life bad but I can understand the pain people feel because I can visualize being in their shoes. Life always gets better kind of like now I’m reaching out to people who need help. Kind of ironic that a hater of mine gave me the idea.

      I like the song too and I’m going to be using it in one of my SFM animated shorts.

      • Christina Erichou  says:

        I understand that visualization thing. It was unfortunately a thing that I grew accustomed to, which led me to comparing anything I make with everything, which there are a LOT of people that are better artists/musicians/writers than I am…

        I have a request for you, by the way, Zach. When you finish your short, could you post it in the comments here? I’d really like to see it, and have no idea what your YT is. ^^;

        • Zachary W  says:

          Actually I’m using my youtube account to log onto this site. So I get nothing when someone replies to my comments so I have to come to the site again to see a reply. Since no message so I don’t know when people reply.

          • Christina Erichou  says:

            I don’t get notified, either, so… yeah. ^^;

  • scarlet arrow  says:

    People have made fun of me too

  • Joey Bersano  says:

    You play the piano I play the drumes. we both get bullyed . And If I new you or saw you I would say you and every one WHO put good stuff on this website thank you.cause when I was reading eneything enyboudy on this put up.I went insane with sadness and at the end when they talk about the good things I feel a nice presince that someone feels just like me.so thank you. :’) P.S you play a butifull piano I love It and want To hear It evryday.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      Aww, you’re too kind~ >w<

      I've actually found a few ways to cope with the problems, though it's not exactly… uh, what's the word… conventional?

      I sometimes just drink away the problems, and I had a bit tonight, so.. I'm not exactly sure if it's affected me in any way. Though, I do mean it when I say thank you for your kind words. They make me happy. ^u^

  • Jared Dampf  says:

    My dear Christina. As you can tell, a vast majority of us are similar to you. :) That’s good. I’m glad to have come across your story. If you ever wish to talk (or send more examples of your AMAZING music! I’m a HUGE music fan!!! :D) I am on Facebook under this exact same name. In fact, it is my Facebook account I am using to be one here. Please, if you need to talk, send a friend request. I’ll listen.

  • Featherloft Wing  says:

    There’s something else I’d like to share, Christina: Don’t ever, EVER doubt what you can do. Self-doubt is absolutely a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome. I was like that in the past, with no chance of being myself because the world wasn’t ready to be there for me and accept me for who I am. I have Asperger’s…one of my quirks is that I often dislike doing things out of routine, tend to have obsessions with particular subject matter (sports and video games, really, go Flyers! XD) that nopony has obsessions about, among other things. Plus, not many people know what goes on in my mind, as I tend to shut people out, doubting that they’d understand me. If you see yourself as a leader, then go out and share your story, because one thing stays true: Somepony, somewhere out there, won’t be alone in what you have and what you’re going through. Keep being yourself and inspiring others to do the same! *smiles and hugs*

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      *returns hug*
      I believe I will; thank you so much. Thank you all. You’ve all helped me greatly in knowing that it really is great to be different, and to show my difference as a talent that makes me unique from the world. Thank you all~

      • Reassurance  says:

        Hi Christi. I would like fir you to call me, “Reassurance.” When I read your story, I felt pity and sorrow. It seems like you have quite a few “problems” to deal with. I REALLY felt bad…then came your song. It was the kind of song I would expect to hear in a movie when a character has a flashback. That was the moment I realized that your “problems” were actually gifts! I play an instrument and can’t even dream of making a song! Honestly, it was an extremely beautiful piece of work. But I became confused. You said that you believed your songs were bad. You are sooo wrong! That was amazing, and it didn’t even have words! I want to know you IRL just to say how awesome it really was! Quit putting yourself down! You make it sound like your gifts are what keep you from having a “social life,” but its really YOU who keeps you inside! Just from reading your story, I can tell that you have the power and will to overcome your so-called problems. Have faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, and go out and share yourself with the world. I am seriously trying to motivate you because you and everyone else deserves motivation. I hope you take this the right way. God bless and good luck! (PS-Have fun sharing your gifts with the world!)

  • Michael Dauzat  says:

    It was a dark day when I lost my faith
    I wasn’t the pony I thought I’d be
    And it seemed that no one could relate
    There was nothing left to see

    So I took a walk to the edge of the town
    And thought of leaving it all behind
    When I saw a little letter fall right out of the sky
    As a grey mare hovered way up high

    I thought I was crazy when I saw her wave
    And then simply fly away
    So I opened the letter and looked inside
    And what was written made my day…

    It said–

    [Chorus]
    Isn’t it great to be different?
    Isn’t it wonderful to be exactly who you are?
    When you learn to start accepting yourself
    You’ll become a shining star

    To this day the writing on that page
    Is mottled by the tears I shed
    Cuz at that moment something inside me changed
    And a bright new path I lead

    I ran back home and I picked up my old guitar
    And I started strumming these chords
    And I sang her words along with this song
    And I heard someone sing along

    And we sang–

    [Chorus]

    I turned around and I saw her at my door
    That cute grey mare with the wall-eyed stare
    She said, “I’ve heard you play and sing before.
    And I heard a sadness I could not bear.”

    “I just wanted to tell you that the hardest thing I’ve faced
    Wasn’t the teasing or the pain
    It was convincing myself I wasn’t stupid, strange, or lame
    And helping others do the same.”

    *whistling*

    These last few years flew by just like a blur
    I’m now exactly where I should be
    And I know I owe it all to her
    The beautiful mare who believed in me~

    [Chorus x 2]

    You’ll become a shining star (Isn’t it wonderful)
    You’ll become a shining star (Isn’t it great)

  • Azure Flame-Raven  says:

    I know how it is to be bullied, I was bullied from elementary to high school for my ADHD, and people making obscene jokes about my name, and for being naive. It wasn’t easy for me at home either, I lived with an unkind step mother and a violent step father. So I know just how you feel, but I kept strong, turning all of that into strength to push on. I hope what I shared helps. You’re not alone.

    • Shadow Thrill  says:

      :) I see someponies seen my Quote; “Stay Strong, Push On, and Never Give up Hope.”

      Signed: Staff Sergeant Shadow Thrill.
      Army Inactive National Guard, Infantry Rifleman.
      Company D, 2nd Battalion, 108th Infantry Regiment.
      July 2012-Present.

  • Shadow Thrill  says:

    Hey Christina,sory I’ve been gone a while. I haven’t had a connection for a while. How are ya feeling? I’ve receieved some bad news recently. An Army Sergeant I met while in Afghanistan has been Killed in Action. I had fallen in love with her. We weren’t dating, but had plans to see each other when she came home. She was shot 5 times in the chest, 3 in her left arm, once in her left shoulder and once in her Jugular artery. She bled out in the Evac heli before they reached the NATO Hospital in Kandahar, Afghanistan. I’ve been helped through the whole thing by some awesome Admins on a FB page called Bronies Rule. It became more depressing two nights ago. I woke up from a nightmare and seen a glow next to my bed. She was standing there in full Combat Gear, she smiled and said everything will be alright, then she left. She never knew how I truly felt about her. She was a Pegasister who loved Dubstep as much as I do. Her favorite pony was Vinyl Scratch. My profile pic shows Vinyl Scratch and my OC Shadow Thrill cuddling to commerate and honour her and my love I had for her. I hope your past month has been better than mine. I’ve had one to many traumatic events happen since I’ve been gone.

    Signed: Staff Sergeant Shadow Thrill.
    Army Inactive National Guard, Infantry Rifleman.
    Company D, 2nd Battalion, 108th Infantry Regiment.
    July 2012-Present.

    • Jared Dampf  says:

      Such a saddening happening… I do sincerely hope things shall go better for you in future days, Sir Shadow Thrill. *salute*

  • wolfzero00time  says:

    My brother also has ADHD, although I can say I could never try to relate to the way you say you feel, I can say I can tell by the way you write you are an amazing person and your song was truly amazing. It was so deep the emotions you describe screamed out even though you did not say a word. You are truly amazing.

  • JohnR  says:

    Just as my own feeling about the song, (Besides beautifully haunting) was that I saw someone(pony) walking among other average people(ponies) in a big city, and… They were afraid. Nervous at every turn. Kept feeling “in the way” when no one was even around. Really quite deep…

  • Trueheart  says:

    I love your cover and your Piano skills. I may not be able to relate to you, but I understand what your going through. If you need someone to talk to, I’m all ears.

  • Josie Beckham  says:

    Identity disorder!? Isnt that where there is like two personalities in your brain because in that case you are awesome!!!

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      Dissociative Identity Disorder is the disorder when you have more than one “identity” in control of your body. When you are not the active identity, you don’t remember anything that happens; leading to you losing mass amounts of time from your life. It’s truly terrifying to think that you can wake up one morning, look at your calender, and not be able to know what happened the week before, no matter how hard you tried; even worse when you see others act differently around you. You want to know what your other identity did to make others be so… different, but no one would tell you.

      Dissociative Identity Disorder is a terrifying thing.

  • Devin Freeman  says:

    I have read your story, listened to your song “Recurring Wounds”, so 1st, I want to say, I understand your pain. I’ve been bullied and it’s lessen up a bit, but it’s still happening. Quite a few people, who I THOUGHT were my friends, turned their backs on me, and I’m a guy who loves making friends. This made me have some serious trust issues, like I don’t know who I can trust outside of my own house. But I always told myself when people are like that, “Haters Gonna Hate”, those 3 words cheered me up numerous times and it still does. :) 2nd, your song was really great! I love piano music! To me, music is music, it doesn’t matter whether it’s depressing or exciting, I love a lot of music, not that I’m saying “Recurring Wounds” was depressing, I thought it was beautiful. :) Maybe, if we could get in contact somehow, you could teach me a thing or two about piano? It was my favorite instrument when I was growing up. :) 3rd, “Great To Be Different” was amazing! It took me some time, but I finally understood the meaning behind the lyrics, and when I did, it all became clear. Like you, I’m disabled, but I have different disabilities. Remember, always be strong, and never forget, it’s great to be different.

    • Christina Erichou  says:

      I’ve tried using set words to cheer me up, but they never really worked for me. Recently, I found a few people who I trust with all I could; they are like family to me, and they’re who I tend to turn to when I’m horribly depressed now, as they can usually rid of it rather quickly. As per the piano thing, I do not know how to play the instrument; I just know how to read sheet music, and thus used a composition program to have it play in piano; the song was originally supposed to be composed on Flute, which is why it’s all in Treble clef, yet I was just honestly too lazy to do that, because I hadn’t played my flute in years. Great to be Different is still a rather inspiring song for me to this day, a half year after I listened to it, and I tend to think about it when my “second family” isn’t around / asleep.

  • TiaShine  says:

    I understand how you feel, all my life I have been bullied due to having aspergers syndrome, which led to me having about 3 or 4 different depressions, along with bipolar, when I found the song I immidiately broke down, because it reflected how I felt. Even at this moment I’m writing from a school computer, ignoring all the hateful comments being thrown at me.

    Everyday I listen to the song, which I downloaded onto my iPod so I can calm down, it told me how I wasn’t the only one with problems like this, just this day people are laughing at me for falling off the treadmill in the gym because I was thinking about how upset I normally get, and also…

    When I was in Year 8 which is the equivilent year for 12 year olds in America but for England, I was hit by a car and didn’t come in for a day due to staying in hospital, the day after I got out of hospital I had a black eye and a few grazes I was lucky to get out without any broken or twisted bones, however, this worsened the bullying, everyone laughed me and mocked me. But after hearing Great To Be Different I just.. Didn’t care…

    Soon enough I became a full fledged Pegasister, and made a character just like me; TiaShine, or Tia or Shine as her nicknames, the ‘Shine’ in her name is because she is not ashamed of how she is, she’s like a shining star, never falling till she let’s herself, she also didn’t care about when she gets bullied, she just completely ignored it

    So here’s what I learnt: Believe in yourself to the best of your abilities, Love everything that makes you stronger, and what tries to push you down, you just continue going, never giving up.

  • Blue slush  says:

    I suffer from ADD ADHD OCD to i don’t like it people make fun of me for it I didn’t feel like going on until I heard this song I love it I have it on repeat and I got my school to play during lunch I hope your having a wonderful year:)

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