Hi, my name is Joshua Loihle

I am known by a few people as Planter, I have been through a lot, I guess it starts when I was around 4 or 5, I was a very interactive kid, I liked talking to people and learning about them, that changed quickly though, it was with three of my best friends, I was talking to them during recess, when out of no where, the three guys, I thought I could trust threw me into a hole, and then went and told everyone things I only trusted them with. That is when I lost my trust in people, that night was the first night of a pretty horrible next 11 years. I went into depression, growing worse every day.

For the next three years it had grown to be pretty bad, I didn’t like to smile, laugh, get angry, mad, sad,happy, nothing, I stayed emotionless, I did it to make it so no one could hurt me, I grew long hair, and kept it over my eyes to avoid looking people in the eyes. Then during a winter vacation, probably five days after Christmas, was one of the worst points in my depression, I broke down, cried for hours, then grabbed a knife, and well, I did almost kill myself, it is hard to share that publicly, but I feel people should know all of my story, I was sitting there, with it in my hand, ready, but couldn’t, I dropped it, ran outside, forgot about putting on shoes, a jacket or anything else to keep me warm, I went into the woods and laid there in the snow from 3pm to 10pm.

That year, I had moved to a new town, I knew no one, but there was a few people, somehow, they where able to break through my exterior, I knew they wanted to be my friends, so, I faked it, I smiled, laughed, made myself seem happy, but once that started, I began to break down, every night, crying until I fell asleep, but I continued to do it, to make myself smile for them, to make them smile, I thought it would do something for me, it didn’t.

This past summer, was my really worst point in depression, I had a dagger, pressing to my skin, I was about to do it, then something hit me, it was the thought of those few friends I had, I dropped the knife, well, more threw it, I laid on my floor, cried for probably five hours, them passed out, then only a few days after that, I found the song great to be different, I had known about the show, but not much about the fandom, I called myself a brony, but wasn’t really one, but when I heard the song, I cried, not because I was sad, but because it was something that made me happy, it really took the depression away, at this point, it was so horrible, I thought nothing could save me, but that song, that one amazing song, just, took it away, now, I am a happier person, I found someone I love with my life, and now have met and talked to so many wonderful people, Forest Rain, and the song Great to be Different, really helped me. I would do anything to meet Forest Rain, just to say thank you for basically saving my life.

 

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3 comments to Hi, my name is Joshua Loihle

  • frost fang  says:

    **** son you have been through a lot i myself have been through some stuff but not this bad maybe close but as much. keep your spirits up heh seems pretty ironic that statement “keep your spirits up” as its comeing from a former bully but like you the song worked its magic if you want to read my story it is called stepping away from being a bully its on this site and i wish you a good life

  • Justin Bailey  says:

    I shared a similarity with you on this story… I, too, also hide myself from people quite a lot… Actually, for a very long time…

    However, my story hadn’t been submitted yet… (I sent the email though. Two of them actually… First one was on a phone and probably was badly organized so had to redo it while on a computer).

  • Luis Garzon  says:

    i feel the same way every night and always think i should just finish it, but someone is always holding me back,it may be crazy but i think its the characters from the show telling me to continue with my life.

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